Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Stickin’ Some Love on Your Page!

Is it me…or is the world spinning into overwhelm? Where does time go? Everything takes longer, there is always so much to do…I am feeling a tad stressed this morning.

Maybe it’s the rain…maybe I am over doing it (never…what a perfectly wicked thing to suggest) or did I forget to say  T.G.I.F…more on that later!

I am thinking having someone stick a little love on my page today was would be a blessing! Maybe you are in a similar position today, so it is my exquisite pleasure to bring some love light and laughter into your life this morning.  A little love on your page may help you to remember you are fabulous, modern thinking, possibly 50+or almost there and really bursting with life ...well of course you are!

The beautiful Sunshine Coast in South East Queensland is where I call home and we have been deluged with rain for weeks now… Yes I know it is cleansing (I am clean now), yes I know it makes the grass green (it’s green now) and yes I know it fills our water supplies (they are full and overflowing)... Please universe could we indulge in a little moderation now, even balance and show us some sunshine?…I would be eternally grateful say I as I stick a little lovin’ on the universe’s page.

Would you believe I have even considered investing in red wellies like piglet here! I ask you…just look at the look on his face…that sums up my feelings today ...they say a picture is worth a thousand words. Yep, I think he says I perfectly! 

 And hey…what a bonus I would only need 2 wellies…how is that for original!  Seriously I have been checking my toes for webbing…no evidence yet…you can never be too careful my Mum used to say!

Apart from the rain I have a fair bit on my plate right now - like most of us. I am consciously remembering to be gentle with myself… to take time out …well I will this afternoon…that is part of the overwhelm trying to do a million things…Ok I exaggerated, but lots … so I can go and indulge myself this afternoon. 

A quick check in for you… What have you done in the last 24 hours to be perfectly gentle with you? Have you taken time out, indulged all your senses, enjoyed a joyful activity, something that makes your heart sing and makes you feel beautiful. If you haven’t…consider this a tap on the shoulder, delivered in the nicest possible way. Your mind, body and soul will be exquisitely and deliciously happy. 

Look at piglet with the ball…pure play and mischief…his look says it all once again. Come play with me his eyes are saying ….

Ohhh I nearly forgot T.G.I.F. – yes I did forget that this morning. What does it stand for - Thank God I’m Fabulous…and so are you.

So I am stickin’ a little love on your page and I wish you a sensational day whatever you are doing with much love, light and laughter from me!

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Act your shoe size …that would be some acting for me!

Ok, Ok, Ok, I have said it out loud… my shoes are size 10 and I am 5.10 tall (in old measurements). I know I am tall, I know I have big feet…and I don’t need anyone to tell me… I have lived with them all my life!  Yet many persist in telling me, especially men I have dated!


Oohhh how I often longed as a child to be dainty, to have small feet and be petite! As a teenager I bemoaned that fact I was 5.10, wore size 10 shoes, had long legs, thought I was gangly, straight up and down like bean pole and about as skinny as one. I think it sad that so many young girls, like I did fail to see their beauty unfolding and blossoming. How easy it is for many of us to see what we don’t have! To slink back to baby booties instead of stepping out in our stilettos!

It took me years to appreciate my height, slimness and my ability to be me in all my power. I grew into it and I continue to change and develop even now, more so actually. I have even learned to be kind to myself. In the ten years I have been on my own… sensational, amazing and fantastic things have and continue to happen to me! OMG how scary… what if my shoes got bigger! That is enough to send me scurrying for a wine at 10am!  Ok, Ok…my breathing is back under control, no need for a wine!

True I had a less than salubrious childhood and teenage years that certainly did not create a basis for self worth, self belief or self confidence. Then off I went nursing in the ‘60’s and support, understanding and encouragement were not part of the nurse’s curriculum in those days either.

The words I remember that ring in my ears are ‘NURSE MALLET DOWN IN MY OFFICE IN 10 MINS’ Matron would bellow as she stormed through the ward. I can assure you it was not to celebrate pleasantries or to have a cup of tea with her!  Why does that ring in my ears? Probably because it happened at least twice a week for four years! 

Yet there was a wildness, something untameable within me…hidden so deeply…I knew there was more, I just did not know how to release and express it! Life experiences up to that point had had little positivity in them for me and I could not see how that could change. 

I was not acting my shoes size but reacting to life, thinking I was protecting myself…yet in fact drawing every negative situation possible to me. ..Oh dear I will almost need a bib with the booties if I don’t move on!!!  
Have you ever been there?
Have you ever been soo good at putting yourself down and not acknowledging your successes?

‘Act you shoe size’… grabbed my attention…just for a little exercise…and because I love participation…I am inviting you to play for a moment…do you have a relic from childhood, a shoe relic that is? One you could sit and talk to …about what you were like then…maybe baby booties, maybe you simply have a photo…sit and think back to the freedom, openness and frankness you had as a child that was so often stifled. Take the time to acknowledge that you acted in a certain way then that served you. Now bring yourself back to the present…and ask… am I acting my shoe size?

If not…maybe you are acting out of habit in ways that don’t support you today. Lovingly let go of those that habits and actions that don’t support you any longer. As you answer those questions you open yourself to possibilities.

Did you to just know there was there wildness to you?
Did you have the freedom to be you when you were little?

For those who did what a blessing to experience a magical childhood!
For those who didn’t …I invite you to go back, to look, play with your memories...and see what you can create in your mature years…


And….girl friends to the rescue! They say girlfriends outlive husbands make sure you choose good ones. I am definitely blessed in my girl- friendships.

In those challenging training days of nursing…we would gather and sit on someone’s bed and plan and plot away...our wildness apparent, our bravery amazing…while we were secreted in the safety of the nurse’s home.

In reality and seriously for a moment, my girlfriends have sustained me through incredible highs and lows. We have shared our challenges ranging from the miniscule to the monumental and shared joys from snippets to sensational.

Act you shoe size…whatever you loved doing as a kid or any time…keep doing it!

You were wild once…don’t let them tame you…step out and be the exquisite you...away  from  booties to stilettos! I dare you!

And girlfriends…choose well...they will outlive your husbands!

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Who Are You Playing with?

Ok, Ok, Ok I know a little cheeky…..and I bet it raised a smile… however ‘who you are playing with’ is a very relevant question in whatever context you wish to take it.

As children we start and learn about who to play with and who not to…and yes, theirs is playing in its simplest form. Just take a moment and reflect or observe children at play, they are totally focused, know what they want and go for it. If it does not work they move away and try again. They don’t hang onto the problem; once they walk away it is forgotten. Rule No 1 for Mum’s when children are squabbling ‘Don’t get involved’ While you, the adults are working it out, discussing it and maybe even getting upset – guess what? The children have moved on, are probably hugging each other and best friends again …and the Mum’s don’t speak for weeks.

If you are not playing well – maybe that is not your area to play and it is time to cut your losses and move on. I have tended to be precious and hang onto things because ‘I thought so’ however I have learned that my thinking so does not necessarily make it right. Ohhh, and... Wasn’t that painful to say when I discovered I was not Manager of the Universe… it actually managed much better without me! Anyone else been there? Go on ‘fess up!

In your life ‘what do you want to play?’ and ‘who will you play with’? It seems obvious doesn’t it…if you want the tap fixed call a plumber, if you break a leg call the doctor, however if you need a friend…then call a friend, and not the one who will agree with everything you say…one who will be honest with you then support as you move forward.

It has been my experience that when I am in a life situation it has been the people who have gone through similar that I have gained most from. That does not minimise professional help, it pays a role, I believe beyond that or instead of it is those who have been though it that are the most effective in helping. Just as it is better that we play in the right pond, remember that in the pond there are rules, written or unwritten and exclusion from play can happen if you step beyond the boundaries.

Simply my thoughts today…your life is your preview of life’s coming attractions…choose who you play with carefully!     

And…if you wish to be wickedly delicious…then go for it!

Saturday, 16 February 2013

A cuddle virgin ... you’re a what?


Settle in and I will tell you! And if you are, then attending a cuddle party could just be just the thing! It just sounds warm and fuzzy doesn’t it! It is and a whole lot more…

Yes, I have been! I did it! And…contrary to popular opinion I survived and thrived!

Now before you go getting too excited… settle petal! It is not about grab and grope!

Then what is it you say? For me - ‘Bliss, relaxation and a sense of your personal power.

 So here it is ... What is a Cuddle Party?

A Cuddle Party is … a change in consciousness...
It’s about compassion, affection and touch.
Most importantly it’s about touch that is not about sex.   

The skills you learn at Cuddle Party translate into every day life, right from the start. When boundaries and consent are clear, every relationship is easier.

It is about boundaries and it being Ok to say yes or no.
How often in your life have you said ‘yes’ when you wanted to say ‘no’?
Or said ‘no’ when you wanted to say yes?

So I thought… here I am being open to life and possibilities, sensuality for the mature women…this sounded like something I would like to explore.

Setting and living personal boundaries that support me has been a life long challenge. Hang on I am getting ahead of myself…

Where was I? At the Third Eye Healing Centre in Redcliffe . Our gorgeous hosts Judy and Paul have converted an old church into the most amazing home and space – ‘unique, blissful and serene’ they call it. Yep…they were right, the atmosphere was exquisite…I can’t think of another word to describe it! Saying simply that it was a sensual delight would be an understatement…every one of my senses was alive and alert, I was in sensual heaven. Loads of rugs and cushions adorned the floor just inviting you to pop on down along with low lighting, candlelight, soft music set the scene beautifully.The image is not at the centre, I am just giving you the idea.


 Our wonderful facilitator Philip took us on a sensational journey, engaging us from word goes. Setting the rules, yes there are rules, given in a warm, light hearted yet meaningful way aimed at setting everyone at ease. I especially loved his description of the non touch of ‘those’ areas of the body…. It was a mixed group of about 15, all ages, some newbie’s like me and others experienced cuddle party goers. 

Can you believe it…I was called a cuddle party virgin…I think I should frame that phrase. It’s been a long time since anyone referred to me as a virgin!

 We started the night with a slightly confrontational exercise for me…pairing off then tempting your partner so they had to say no when they wanted to say yes, and saying yes when they wanted to say no. Can you imagine how difficult that is when the person is two inches from your nose…tempting you or revolting you? Being ‘in your face’ describes it well!

Just think about it for a moment…how often do friends and family ask, demand, cajole, pull out the ‘guilt factor’ or worse the ‘fear factor’ to entice you to say ‘yes’? Those times when you just know that you don’t want to go, know it is not your thing or sometimes even just that vague uncomfortable feeling you can’t explain but you just know you don’t want to do it…you open your mouth to say no and ‘yes’ squeaks out!  I have been there many times…and although I would love to say ‘I am an angel, the little horns you see are just there to keep my halo straight’ I have to confess I have been guilty of getting that ‘yes’ when I knew someone did not want to do something in the past. ‘Only in the nicest possible way’ you hear me saying sweetly…uummmmmmm!

Or conversely, how often have you said ‘no’ when you want to say ‘yes’.  People pleasing are what pops in to my mind as I consider this, or maybe when you are on a diet…same as above…

We were not left to dwell there and moved on to the object of the night – cuddling. Something worth knowing…you don’t actually have to cuddle anybody. It is OK to sit on the lounge, sit and watch and say ‘No thank you’.  

 For me it was to have the experience, to feel comfortable about asking and then about receiving a yes or a no and that being OK. To get in there and give and receive hugs and even a hand or foot massage…and…yes I did! 

Some cuddles were on on one, some in a line and some in a group.Sometimes it was quiet, sometimes there was laughter and sometimes quiet chatting. 

 Was it a challenge? Yes it was. Ok Di what was your experience?  

·         No problem in saying yes…that’s no surprise
·         Asking to give – I received only one no for the evening…the rejection gene tried to slip in there…I was awake to her ploys!
·         Saying when it was complete for me…no problem
·         When told it was complete for a partner…rejection gene popped her ugly little up head again…ahhhh awareness is a wonderful thing!
·         Did things come up for me to work on…yes they did...and I am OK with that
·         Towards the end of the evening I simply wished to lay 100% relaxed and soak up and process what had happened. I absorbed and luxuriated in that exquisite state of relaxation.
·         Would I do it again…sure would and soon this Friday actually! I am keen to see how I react second time, different place, and different group.
·         I have taken another step in creating boundaries that support me
·         Leaned and been reminded of things that will benefit all my relationships

My sensual side totally satisfied, my boundaries clearer I was simply thrilled I did not have to drive home…thank you Philip for a fabulous evening.

Have I piqued your interest? Don’t take my word for it slip over to  and see for yourself…if you are local there is one next Friday night details on the website! ps being a cuddle virgin was wonderful…give it a go!

Happy cuddling…♥

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

The Sensual Art of Belly dancing


"Locked in this dance is a secret language that tells the story of women's lives... their passions and their spirituality, their sacrifices, their joys, their intuitions, their emotional life drama." ---Delilah

Woohoo! How exciting! Time for me to focus on another sensual woman…for February I have chosen the vibrant, succulent and alive Michelle Scott. Her love and enthusiasm for belly dancing just oozes’ from her.  

Yes she is my teacher…and believe me she has her work cut out!!! No gold stars in evidence yet for this mature darling…ummm yes I mean me!

I have always been fascinated by belly dancing it is the epitome of sensuality. Did you know that it was developed for women by women and having it considered male entertainment happened way down the track…and that is exactly what I am finding?

It is such a delight to be with women, being sensual, being playful, and being feminine. However I am running away with myself…back to Michelle. We talked about life first and the belly dancing just seemed to flow from there.

What do I admire about her? Michelle is confident, happy, has a gorgeous smile, she connects, moves beautifully, is so at home in herself and has the most contagious laugh ever.

‘Sensuality and sexuality are natural and inter-linked, relationships are everything. Men and women, the yin yang – we all have our roots firmly planted in sexuality’, she said thoughtfully.

When we are young and ‘hot to trot’, sex is spontaneous, no waiting, in there like a shot…and it is all about ‘I am,’ and ‘me, me, me’. 

It is not until much later that relationships mature and bloom… they become just so much more.  Touch, caress and communication happens at a deeper level. Mature women have lived, they are more sure and secure in who they are…and they are not afraid to say so! They don’t need to prove themselves or to rush and ‘get in quick’, it is more about slowing down, savouring, relishing and enjoying the moment.  

And to use her Dad’s expression sex is at the ‘root of everything’- no pun intended!

It is so easy in an established relationship for it to slip into dull, to become almost clinical and robotic and to forget the sensual side which created the attraction in the first place. Have you ever been there? I think most of us have at some stage.

Young people’s perception of sex today is affected by so many outer influences and the net and terms like ‘sex me up’ and ‘they are sexing’ are commonplace. Whatever happened to the term ‘making love’? And…more importantly when did it stop being beautiful and sensual?

Michelle sees developing sensuality as re-discovering closeness, touch and caring. And sensual behaviour may or may not lead to sex. Interesting that my blog ‘Paint the Ceiling Beige’ is described as ‘a mature woman’s guide to rediscovering sensuality’, it rather echoes my thoughts.

Now down to the nitty gritty….how did Michelle find belly dancing?

Well it found her! She was living in Kununurra in WA, a remote place by any standards and working at TAFE, a single mum raising her daughter. Her girlfriend, Lan who has alopecia (amazing how co-incidences occur considering that I featured Pat Law last month, a beautiful friend of mine who has alopecia), is one of those gorgeous, sensual  and cute women who appeal to men.  

They were having dinner and Lan says ‘when was your last date?’ Michelle’s response set her off… NO DATE, NO SEX FOR 2 YEARS, she yelled …your hips are locked you need to belly dance!

In true girlie fashion, Lan produced a  worn out old tape by George Abdu and they pushed the furniture back, rolled up the mats, turned on the music and away they danced …well sort of ‘I was terrible, just terrible even though we thought we were gorgeous!’ Michelle laughingly tells me. 


"A filmy veil, floating gracefully around a whirling dancer is a special ethereal vision." ---Dahlen

 A shift to Perth did not dent her enthusiasm and Lan and she went up and down the length of WA. On one of those visits Michelle met Keti Sharif, an amazing woman and even more amazing dancer….Michelle reverts to giggling and laughter saying ‘I was seriously terrible you know’.

Michelle, a mover and shaker,  got thinking… back to Kununurra she went and talked to her boss…the outcome – a workshop for 15 people with Keti over 10 hours throughout a weekend. Wow what a marathon! Then Keti says ‘You should to teach it!’  Michelle burst our laughing and then thought why not…well actually she says.  I did not teach. ‘I facilitated’.

With Keit’s help her belly dancing career began and it was the best thing that ever happened to me Michelle recalls.

At first it was mainly friends then it grew larger and suddenly Michelle was exposed to these wonderful alive and vibrant women, how utterly fantastic!

It took her on a journey of self discovery, developed self confidence, she learned new skills and realised how much she loved multi-culturalism. She became passionate about the music, the rhythm and the Middle Eastern culture.

Her first group in Darwin was called ‘Hidden Veils’, then onto Darwin where she got involved and set up ‘Midnight Oasis’ meanwhile her dancing continued to improve as she worked with Keti. Her passion grew, she was totally in tune with the music and as her interest in multi cultural art grew so did her connections with amazing women.  


During this journey Michelle learned so much more about herself, who she was, her sensual self matured and she made three decisions…she knew she would raise her daughter alone, she would keep her safe and she would continue to dance to express her sensual self. 

Michelle realised in working with women that many of them were uncertain about their sexuality and sensuality, they were shy, not comfortable with sex, with their partner and worse many were not sexually active at all.

Belly dancing utilises those age old movements that give women the opportunity to re-discover their beautiful inner selves, it encourages you to feel and look attractive, to move with grace and elegance. In learning to dance with veils for example it allows women to see themselves as beautiful, attractive and gorgeous.

‘If I have helped 10 women to achieve this than I am a success’ Michelle says.  Believe me readers, Michelle has had a positive effect on a lot more than 10.

Dancing gives you:
·        Free-ness and flexibility
·       The ability to discover beautiful parts of yourself – hands, arms, a ready smile, how to use your eyes expressively.
·      The entertainment factor, being comfortable to stand and perform in front of others, do what you love and to feel sensual

The women in Middle Eastern countries wearing a veil are amazing, they:
·      Have learned to use and connect using their eyes expressively. You know the sort of eyes I mean, that sexy smoky look enhanced by the liberal use of kohl
·       Communicate well with each other sharing the ‘he did, she did’ details of their lives like we all do.
·        Have lots of giggles with other women no matter how straight and conservative they seem.
·        Hold hands walking down the street with no embarrassment
·       Are simply sensual, you simply look at them and you know!

Michelle has found it similar in other cultures Aboriginal, African, Greek. Indian women achieve amazing results with jewels on their face, huge earrings and other facial jewellery.

They understand you don’t have to be uncovered to be sexy…it is the lure of the promised but not yet delivered that is enticing to men. In Australia the accepted stereo is lean, tanned, big boobs preferably hanging out and blonde.
In other cultures being voluptuous is preferred and appreciated

Back to belly dancing locally… Michelle loves dancing and teaching at her home in her own space, a dedicated space where women feel welcomed, safe and appreciated for who and what they are…and to top it off creating an atmosphere where you can be flirty and sensual. How can it get better than that?

With that excitement bubbling away inside her Michelle shared that she was thrilled to be ‘host’ for a trip to Egypt. The trip is being organised by Live it Travel – we are currently seeking interested women…imaging the thrill of belly dancing in Egypt! Take a peek it looks fantastic! My decision is made I am in!

Michelle still has beautiful memories of her previous trip Cairo, Giza, the Sphinx, pyramids and although she had seen photos and documentaries she was not prepared for the rush of emotions that engulfed her when she was physically there.

The sheer size, colour and beauty were incredible. I had an opportunity to visit the Abu Sir pyramids after hours, just our small group for an experience of a lifetime being at the alabaster altar in the Temple of Ra, meditating at sunset. It was an amazing experience; it was a Friday, party night and wedding night, hearing the talking and laughing ringing out in the distance. How utterly fabulous to be there, in a sacred temple with the custodians of the site in their traditional dress, the galebayah’s in sight yet leaving the group to have their experience unhindered. It was an exquisitely wonderful, spiritual experience.

Michelle, with her fabulous warm personality… particularly enjoyed communicating with the locals. The Egyptian women she found sexy and sensual. With no common language they communicated with their hands, smiling and laughing and just the odd word or phrase thrown in. These women are so comfortable in their bodies regardless of their size. They are large in persona, so warm and beautiful, they love life and have so much fun. They love to touch, put their arms around each other with no sexual connotation, simply women being women enjoying each others company as women do all over the world.

Mostly the men were respectful and they learned very quickly to cover up – or risk being openly hassled. Their culture associates being uncovered with loose morals.

Michelle’s smiling final comment … she needed one, because you see I feel there is a distinction between sensuality and sexuality.

To me sensual is the way you move, the way you talk and act, the lure of the promised but not yet delivered…sexy is raw lust.

Sensual is that feeling that causes your mind to discover that inner voice that alerts your other senses that something wonderful is occurring. Sexy, on the other hand, is physical.

Sexy is something that is deliberately put out there and sensual is an emotional feeling which can be deliberate but requires a connection.

Michelle had the last say…if we procreated by sprinkling women’s seed in the garden, and men fertilised the seeds there…all the fun would be gone…there would be no need for sensuality building to a sexual experience. Uummm blew my theory out the window…Ok I concur sensuality and sexuality are linked! My parting shot…thank heavens Michelle is not in charge of procreation!


Ladies, Michelle is indeed larger then life, she has a huge heart and she is generous and supportive and has a wonderful sense of humour…oohhhh and did I mention she is a fantastic belly dancing teacher. You can find her at

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them." - Vicki Baum

Saturday, 9 February 2013

Make love not porn

Eekkk you say… what is she up to now! A friend posted this video clip make ‘Love Not Porn’, a TED talk by Cindy Gallop. Thanks Hari as it brought forward something that has been on my mind.  

Cindy is right out there…This post will not be for everybody yet I say from my heart.  I am coming from an openness in what I have seen reflected in societal attitudes since becoming a widow ten years ago. If we as women can’t be open, honest and supportive of each other then I think that is very sad.

Cindy’s video clip is below so you get the meaning of where I am going. A comment on her  website is: This site is not about judgement, it is simply intended to help inspire and stimulate open, healthy conversations about sex and pornography, in order to help inspire and stimulate more open, healthy and thoroughly enjoyable sexual relationships.

Now back to my thoughts. It came as rude shock to me when I started on the dating scene again after almost 40 years. Things were a little different! OK no surprises there! What I was not prepared for was the crudeness which appeared to prevail is some men, particularly when I went on the dating sites.

My beautiful husband treated me with the utmost courtesy and respect at all times, that is what I was used to. A bit of trivia, we  met as a blind date, I was nursing and Les rang the quarters looking for someone to be his date to attend a sugar industry dinner ... I happened to answer the phone. It was even stranger that I would say yes, because I tended to be less then sympathetic to these enquiries. What was different that day?  Would you believe - politeness and manners! He said who he was, what he was in town for and what the function was…I opened my mouth to say ‘no’ and ‘yes’ came out. The rest is history!

On reflection, I consider that internet dating is rather like an updated version of the old blind date.

Yes we married and had a wonderful sensual and intimate relationship, however that was then and this is now! And…before I upset someone, I hasten to add I have also met fabulous men, amazing guys, some of whom have remained friends and are my greatest supporters. This is not a male bashing exercise! In fact can you imagine a few guys sitting round having a beer with their mates and saying I met this tall slim blonde from Nambour and do you know what she said!

I have even written and delivered a humourous speech on my internet dating experiences. It goes over very well, for some reason my persona does not appear to fit with internet dating which ramps up the laughter and enjoyment!  There is no doubt; I am a real woman talking about real life experiences! Oops getting side tracked…it can be summed up as the good, bad and the ugly. Just like in real life huh? Well almost!

To this moment I had not quite put my finger on it… Cindy did, it is like hard core pornography has replaced sex education and many men think this is how you make love. Women particularly those who have come out of a relationship or lost their partner may find themselves feeling vulnerable…I know I did. And it was like… is this what happens now??????

An example to demonstrate, a guy in his 40’s (one of many) made contact with me and his opening comment was…
Do you like to f***
I went back with - ‘What happened to hello?’
His retort was – ‘Hello do you like to f***
At this stage I thought his conversation skills a tad limited and his pick up line a shocker! That ended that…my point is this may offend some women, especially if they are in a vulnerable state. I am strong enough to say it is not acceptable.

Are we as a society becoming de-sensitised to crudity and pornography? And are men thinking this is how you make love, and women thinking I have to pretend to like it? Is it time for open and honest communication where the conversation becomes real? No, not a war but rather a conversation lead with gentleness, discussion and connecting but real and gutsy!

I am certainly not sitting in judgement on anyone, we all have a choice, we make choices and your personal choices are for you and you alone. I make my choices and they are for me alone.

It is however where my re-discovering sensuality for the mature woman stems from. Are you as a woman confident enough to say was is acceptable or unacceptable sexual behaviour? Do you realise you do not have to feel pressured by any man into doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable? To say with confidence anything mutually agreed to and based in reality and pleasure is Ok for me but not to be a prop in someone else’s movie!

I would love to know that women had the self confidence and the knowingness of their own sensuality to say how they feel. Could your role be to be a guide in allowing men to discover or re-discover sensuality and then benefit from an experience of delicious and exquisite pleasure?  

For those of you who are Mums are you prepared to have an open discussion with your husband, sons and daughters?  I am actually going to have this conversation with my adult granddaughters; I will be very interested to hear their views.

We have an opportunity to live, be and pass on the very essence of sensuality. Here I ask you…’how have you developed and kept alive your sensuality’? What gems can you pass onto family, dates, spouses, sons, daughters to demonstrate the power and beauty of sensuality and sexuality?

Now I can’t go on and on and not give you an example so I will close off with these thoughts on demonstrating sensuality. If you have better ideas please…do share!

Sensual for me is making eye contact over a nicely set dinner table while savouring a delicious meal and a lovely wine (and ice of course). You enjoy the little touches and caresses that you know are not leading you to bed, at least not yet, but which make you feel like you have his full attention. The specific place is not that important, although some places are naturally more geared toward creating the atmosphere you want, it is more about the ambience, the feeling you get from being in that place at that time with that person. The promise of what is to come…and not yet delivered.

Sexy is watching a hot guy with a great body hose off bare chested after a hard days work. Sensual is watching that same man fully dressed sucking whipped cream off a strawberry when he does not even know you are looking and is therefore not putting on an act for you.

As a mother, grandmother, single, married, lover, spouse or friend…whatever you role you have a unique opportunity to make a difference…are you up for it?

With that in mind girls…what is your next sensual move? Whatever it is I encourage you to be firm, feminine, alive, vibrant… oohh yes, and remember to be your magnificent sensual self!

Friday, 8 February 2013

A Touch of Grace

There comes a moment in life when we make a choice that changes us for ever. A ‘touch of grace’ slips or storms in…I have experienced a number of these and yesterday that hand of grace was around me.

What is grace? To me it is a kind of spiritual intelligence, a form of energy that comes from a higher source.  I believe we are guided by that powerful force and I have found when I chose to align myself with that energy an amazing path unfolds before me.  This energy I call a touch of grace…it is recognition that all is connected and sacred.

Sometimes they are happy things, sometimes out-of-the-blue things and sometimes incredibly sad things that bring me to that realisation. I get many little reminders along the way…maybe you have also!


One such event happened yesterday. I attended a funeral service for a beautiful young lady, Rachael, 28 years of age. She was killed following a car accident leaving behind her a dazed, yet wonderful young husband. To see him in such pain shook my heart. To have your loved one snatched just two years after marriage would cause incredible pain and the why, why, why’s would be flowing. This couple were two of the most beautiful people it has been my privilege to meet. No, I did not know them well, my acquaintance with was as a result of networking. 


Where is the grace you ask? It was Rachael and Joel’s grace and inner beauty that I experienced when I met them, their friendliness, openness; I just knew they were special.  The touch of grace flowed throughout the morning starting with the funeral director who I know well - yes, from being a client many times over…I had to think about that...was I the client or was the deceased the client…on a number of occasions over the past 10 years. 


The celebrant spoke with such grace and elegance expressing the family’s thoughts. She used her words and beautiful energy to convey pure feelings that permeated the room. We come together at a time like this and for me it brings up my ‘stuff’. I could feel the emotions of the girls who were with me rising…here is where a touch of grace and humanness touches us and we realise the power, depth and magnificence of friendships.

I had a feeling of disconnection on leaving, rushing off to an appointment.  As I moved through the next few hours, seemingly like I was on remote control… I stopped for a cuppa and reflected on the morning and allowed that feeling of graciousness to rise and flow through me. My thoughts reminded me that our lives are precious, what we worry about most times never happens (OMG did I just say that, coming from the ‘worry wart master’) and decided to open up to the flow of grace and express gratitude for the wonders in my life.

That simple decision cleared my head, peace seeped into me and I was able to concentrate…then the touch of grace appeared as if to say Ok she is open and ready! I had several phone calls, out of the blue ones that lifted my spirits; I cannot put into words the exquisite and wonderful power of friendships.

Sharing our stories is a powerful way to connect, feel that ‘touch of grace’ and reach out. The catalyst for me was the death of my beautiful husband ten years ago after 31 years of marriage. How well I recognised that vacant dazed look on Joel, it was like looking in a mirror.

That ‘touch of grace’ has been working overtime throughout my life, how often I could not see it. When it was time…I was able to act – I did not want that pain anymore.

To conclude I have a prĂ©cis of a presentation I delivered to SWAP, perhaps you will see a touch of grace in there…

When it’s Time

The short story is I live in Nambour.  I’m a mother, grandmother and great grandmother, a confidence and presentation skills coach, a speaker, and a professional MC for weddings and conferences. Yes!  ....  I think that’s who I am today.  But it’s not the story I used to tell.

 Today I wonder who I was back then, and back then is not that long ago.  In my case it’s just ten years. Yours may be longer or shorter, but at some stage in our lives, we come to a point where we wonder about how we used to think and act and what might have made us do that.  It’s called awareness by the gurus and it is said to be the first step on the rocky road to enlightenment and in a little while you will see what I mean.

I’m not sure if it is something that comes with age or if it might be as some researchers say, that changes in thinking occur when a roadblock in one’s life causes the brain to have a kind of accident in thinking.  Then new neural pathways have to be forged because the brain cannot access old thinking patterns. 

My particular roadblock happened ten years ago when Les, my husband, of thirty one years passed away and life as I had known it came to an end.  That is not when I started thinking about what I had been thinking about or questioning my previous life that is when my thinking went on its own journey.  It was as if time got muddled up and I was catapulted back to a time before Les, my husband, before family, before the halcyon days of being the wife of an industrial chemist and the corporate world of the sugar industry in its hey day.  For nearly seven years I was caught up in an old story from my childhood and teenage years, something I had safely buried as my past, or so I thought.

It had its purpose I am sure; it drove me to do more things of a different nature than I had ever done over the last thirty years.  But it certainly led me on a not so merry chase.  It became the focus of my life, I even wrote a book about it, ‘Beyond Abuse’ it is still available today. I made it my purpose, gave speeches about it, cried buckets of tears over it, got therapy about it and did courses around it and even started a business based on it.

And then one day not so long ago, I heard myself telling the story yet again, and I said you know what “I just don’t want that anymore!”  And just like that, that part of my life was over, well to be fair it took a few months to really let go.

But on that day I started to think about how strange it was that I would have thought and acted in such a way for so long and that I was now a stranger to the old story and the business I had built around that story.  The interesting thing is that I was not only a stranger to that story I was also a stranger to the person I had been as a wife and mother.  Not that I had forgotten the good times or wished things had not happened.  I guess it was because I no longer craved what I had lost.

Like the guru said, awareness is the first step on the rocky road to enlightenment, my new thinking that caused me to say “I just don’t want that anymore!” was the first step to the changes that came in quick succession. 

Paid work that had sustained me fell away, investments lost money where they had made money, grant applications and programs I had built around the old story fell over and I have to admit I was a bit concerned.

But angels came into my life too, angels who saw me as a different person to the one I had been parading as, and they have helped me to emerge as the colourful, and they say elegant person, who could draw on the skills and competencies that were developed during my years of marriage to form a new life and business.

Looking back now I can see that there were many times in my life when something I was doing came to its use-by date or some roadblock caused me to say with enough force for me to do a 180 degree turn and put it aside saying “I just don’t want that anymore!” 

Some of these were and still are in their way very dear to me.
  • For 5 years I served on the local Ambulance Committee then one day “I just don’t want that anymore!” 
  • For 5 years I served on the Sunshine Coast Children’s Therapy Board - same again. 
  • For 30 years I was a registered nurse, in fact for a good part of my married life I worked as a nurse, my husband said it was a good thing that I put my energy into something else otherwise the family, his four and our one, would have been worn out following my unrealistic hectic routines. Les used to say he did the nursing profession a favour by marrying me and taking me out of the system. But you guessed it one day “I just don’t want that anymore!”

One of the biggest ones was my patchwork and quilting, oh if you could have seen the cupboards, boxes and shelves full of fabric, cottons, buttons, beads and patterns and the carefully stored quilts you would know what a big part of my life patchwork, quilting and craft was. But “I just don’t want that anymore!”
Some of my angels suggested that now that I was in a new space I might like to revisit some of those old passions and see what lessons they had that would be useful now.  And angels that they are, they were right, so much of my competence and confidence can be traced to those things that I gave my energy and commitment too.

Although I learned so much from the work on the various committees and office bearing positions, there is little doubt in my mind that one of the greatest sources of lessons were my patchwork and quilting days.

You might have seen quilts and not realised the breadth and depth of love that goes into every one of them.  There are friendship quilts where a team work to design and make a quilt that one person will own, every lesson on team work can be gleaned from this. There are memorial quilts which are made for others where compassion, love and mercy are stitched. Even Christmas quilts and every other type of quilt you can imagine.  And then there is the sheer level of commitment required to finish a quilt.  Let me show you how I learned patience, competence, confidence, love, determination, joy, satisfaction, connection and sharing  and so many of life’s important lessons. And don’t forget the colour!

The quilt lessons -

Now I can see the lessons as if they are floating off the quilt: 


On one quilt I see the structured pattern with free hand around it. What appears to be curves is in fact squares and triangles amazingly pieced. The free hand border while different, compliments the inner quilt. I can see here that leadership and business management are like that.  I can see that training and speaking are like that, we weave a clever pattern that with confidence and elegance, when carefully executed, paints a picture greater than the sum of the parts.

The Christmas one, a log cabin design shows one of the most basic of patchwork patterns. Small squares and strips cleverly placed produce a Christmas tree. Something that started with simply a pile of fabric, scissors and a sewing machine!!!  

Lastly is the garden elf with a hand painted face. A group of us gathered to make this special elf. What do I remember most about that day – saying ‘there will only ever be one of these!'  The interesting thing was when we lined them all up at the end of the day – the facial characteristics resembled the maker. How often in life and business do we show a different face – show a mask of what we think we ought to be – its OK to be yourself, more Ok it is imperative that you be true to yourself.  Maybe there is some personal stuff you can let go of. Isn’t that a novel idea!


Regardless of those great experiences there came a time when I said “I just don’t want that anymore!” Not in the old way, but I am ready to appreciate them in this new way.

And here’s the other big one, my book and old business based around abused women. So many incredible lessons.  Courses I never would have taken, NLP training and Life Coaching with Melissa Scott, Wildly Wealthy Women and Wealth Dynamics.   But this is not my life now “I just don’t want that anymore!”

While I have been talking, you have probably been distracted by your own thoughts about things that no longer serve you. That you just don’t want that anymore!  It is the end of the year and time for you to review.

 So let your mind think about those things without distractions.  Close your eyes for a little bit, just relax, feel the chair under you, let your hands go floppy in your lap, let your feet drop comfortably, let any sounds float away and allow your mind to think about those things that you might not want anymore.  Just let them arise.

When you open your eyes, do not talk, take one of the sheets on the table and a pen and fill in the “I just don’t want that anymore!” Come from the heart, allow your thoughts to flow, your mind has probably given you very clear words, pictures or feelings.  

When I decided to give this presentation I realised that it was as much for me as for any of my audience. Thank you for being such wonderful participants on this ongoing journey of discovery.  

Were my senses engaged? They most certainly were - how I embrace that ‘touch of grace’ today…I encourage you to stop a moment and ponder…where has there been a ‘touch of grace’ in your life?  Love to hear your comments.